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난 살아있어- I am alive

Date is first of October 2024. Never had any intentions to publish another post for a very long time. But I suddenly caught the flu and was lying on the bed just trying to scroll through to avoid focusing on pain. And I stumbled upon the old tri forces advertisement "api wenuwen api" which reminded me that I am one of the many Sri Lankans who are not supposed to be alive. So I wanted to let it out. So here goes nothing.

More than half of my life I (we) lived through an actual war although many people seem to have forgotten now. An actual war with suicide bombers and all that. People died.A lot of people died and in most brutal possible ways. (According to the UN during the last 5 months of the war the number of casualties is 147,000. Imagine that for 34 years)You don't know the person sitting next to you in the bus/train is carrying a bomb. I remember when our family used to go somewhere we don't take the same bus. Half of the family takes a second bus so that if one bomb goes off at least half of our family will survive. Even to this date I am always on alert and don't go out when there is a possible public gathering. Why? Because when you do/ don't do something for 14 years it becomes a habit. Whenever I hear that song I cannot stop myself from crying because I cannot bear is the fact that for me to be alive today, someone lost a father/mother, a husband/wife or a son/daughter. All I can say is that I am sorry and I will do better. Forever grateful!

-Ruvi

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